"Just give it some time. You’ll get over it." or "Only time can heal this kind of hurt.” The old adage time heals all wounds couldn’t be further from the truth. Just ask the person who was raised by a cruel or critical parent or whose ex was verbally abusive, or even the adult who was mercilessly teased by their peers in junior high. The truth is the one who has experienced a significant loss doesn’t feel okay and when you tell him or her to just give it time, you are implying they don’t need to seek help, that they just need to be more patient and with time, they’ll get over the pain and the hurt.
Although well-meaning, you are implying that time does heal but let me ask you a question. If you broke your arm, would you not go to the doctor to set to ensure it heals correctly? If you had a flat tire, would you just pull up a chair alongside the road and wait, giving the tire time to replenish the air or fix the hole? And, if someone stopped to offer you help with the tire, would you say, “No thanks. I just need to give it some time.”? Of course not! That would be ludicrous when the person who stopped to help you fix your tire had the tools needed to get the job done – a jack, an air pump or even a spare tire!
You need to understand that a broken heart can also be repaired but a person needs the right person with the right knowledge and the right tools to assist. Don’t be a well-meaning person who gives poor advice. Increase your understanding of grief so you can more effectively help yourself and those you love.
Licensed Professional Counselor
National Trainer for The Grief Recovery Institute®
A well-loved speaker, counselor and Grief Recovery Specialist, Bobbie has been guiding individuals successfully for over 20 years.