520-668-5906
The Grief & Wellness Group
  • Home
  • About
  • Services
    • Private Sessions
    • Outreach Groups
    • Speakers & Seminars
  • Calendar
  • Resources
    • Articles
    • Mental Health Monday
    • What Not to Say to a Griever – The Baker’s Dozen
    • What to Say & Do for Someone Who is Hurting
  • Contact Us
  • Open House

#8-Important Things Never to Say to Someone Who Has Experienced a Loss

5/17/2014

4 Comments

 
Picture
By Linda McLaughlin
“There are Plenty of Fish in the Sea!”
“You’ll do Better Next time!”
“He (or She) was a Jerk Anyway!”

When I experienced divorce first-hand, these comments were the very first ones I received from well-meaning family and friends! Their advice was not helpful, and extremely tough for me to hear! Here are a few reasons why.

There are Plenty of Fish in the Sea!
Even a master fisherman knows this statement is not accurate, especially when you’ve already lost one fish and seem to be sinking fast. So when someone is grieving a relationship loss, the solution is NOT to replace that loss by jumping into another relationship, no matter how many fish are available!

You’ll do Better Next time!
These words made me feel under pressure to DO something, (but I wasn’t sure what that was). Suggesting a griever will do better next time sounds critical of their past choice, and can actually undermine their ability to make a good decision now.

He (or She) was a Jerk Anyway!
Maybe, but probably not! I was married for a very…long…time, and neither of us are jerks. After a divorce or broken relationship, encourage the griever to address their loss accurately and honestly without name-calling or personal attacks.

Our entire Grief & Wellness Team is trained to address the myths, and misinformation in grief recovery, including What Not to Say when someone is grieving a broken heart.



Picture
Linda A. McLaughlin
Certified Grief Recovery Specialist
THE GRIEF & WELLNESS GROUP, INC.

(Learn more about this common mistake people often make when talking to a griever, at our Grief and Wellness Group website:  www.Thegriefandwellnessgroup.com

4 Comments
Pamela (Pam) T. Perry
6/8/2015 11:23:17 am

Linda,
I applaud the work you are doing.

Reply
Yvonne Peachey
6/9/2015 01:59:25 am

SO happy that you are there making a difference in the world of people experience grief. Though I've not experienced grief from a divorce, have experienced lots of grief through loss through death and walking with others through their grief. The truth of learning to cope with it is so important. Important for those walking through and important for those trying to help. I have to think that their comments are out of ignorance, so learning about grief could be so beneficial to them as well.

Reply
Yvonne Peachey
6/9/2015 02:09:13 am

Another thought on grief. I just finished reading One Light Still Shines, by Marie Monville "My life beyond the Shadow of the Amish Schoolhouse Shooting. Her emphasis is the love story that God is writing for each of our lives - His promise, according to His word. What each day brings, He is working it out for good. It's not always good for sure, but do we turn to Him in the midst and rely on His promise of working it for good. Horrific tragedy this woman experienced, but for God. I've experienced tragedy in my family (parents/siblings) but I see God's faithful hand all along the way! He is Good and true to His word for each of us who believe that! You are one, Linda and I look forward to a hug after 50 years, come this Sept!

Reply
Kian Finnegan link
11/22/2020 02:55:20 am

This is aa great blog

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Archives

    October 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

Our 8-Week Groups have been delayed due to   
  Covid-19

Call  520-668-5906    
to schedule individual, online sessions 
or
​to have your name placed on our list to be notified when groups begin.    


For a Private Grief Recovery Method Certification Training Class in Tucson
(Max 6 people, cost is $1,795 per person)
CALL 520-668-5906


For  Individual and Grief Recovery Groups
contact The Grief & Wellness Group at 520-668-5906  
Office Location:  7790 N. Oracle Rd., Ste. 140, Tucson, AZ  85704
(Office Complex is Behind Pella Windows & Southwest Kitchen & Bath)