By Linda McLaughlin
“There are Plenty of Fish in the Sea!”
“You’ll do Better Next time!”
“He (or She) was a Jerk Anyway!”
When I experienced divorce first-hand, these comments were the very first ones I received from well-meaning family and friends! Their advice was not helpful, and extremely tough for me to hear! Here are a few reasons why.
There are Plenty of Fish in the Sea!
Even a master fisherman knows this statement is not accurate, especially when you’ve already lost one fish and seem to be sinking fast. So when someone is grieving a relationship loss, the solution is NOT to replace that loss by jumping into another relationship, no matter how many fish are available!
You’ll do Better Next time!
These words made me feel under pressure to DO something, (but I wasn’t sure what that was). Suggesting a griever will do better next time sounds critical of their past choice, and can actually undermine their ability to make a good decision now.
He (or She) was a Jerk Anyway!
Maybe, but probably not! I was married for a very…long…time, and neither of us are jerks. After a divorce or broken relationship, encourage the griever to address their loss accurately and honestly without name-calling or personal attacks.
Our entire Grief & Wellness Team is trained to address the myths, and misinformation in grief recovery, including What Not to Say when someone is grieving a broken heart.
“There are Plenty of Fish in the Sea!”
“You’ll do Better Next time!”
“He (or She) was a Jerk Anyway!”
When I experienced divorce first-hand, these comments were the very first ones I received from well-meaning family and friends! Their advice was not helpful, and extremely tough for me to hear! Here are a few reasons why.
There are Plenty of Fish in the Sea!
Even a master fisherman knows this statement is not accurate, especially when you’ve already lost one fish and seem to be sinking fast. So when someone is grieving a relationship loss, the solution is NOT to replace that loss by jumping into another relationship, no matter how many fish are available!
You’ll do Better Next time!
These words made me feel under pressure to DO something, (but I wasn’t sure what that was). Suggesting a griever will do better next time sounds critical of their past choice, and can actually undermine their ability to make a good decision now.
He (or She) was a Jerk Anyway!
Maybe, but probably not! I was married for a very…long…time, and neither of us are jerks. After a divorce or broken relationship, encourage the griever to address their loss accurately and honestly without name-calling or personal attacks.
Our entire Grief & Wellness Team is trained to address the myths, and misinformation in grief recovery, including What Not to Say when someone is grieving a broken heart.
Linda A. McLaughlin
Certified Grief Recovery Specialist
THE GRIEF & WELLNESS GROUP, INC.
(Learn more about this common mistake people often make when talking to a griever, at our Grief and Wellness Group website: www.Thegriefandwellnessgroup.com
Certified Grief Recovery Specialist
THE GRIEF & WELLNESS GROUP, INC.
(Learn more about this common mistake people often make when talking to a griever, at our Grief and Wellness Group website: www.Thegriefandwellnessgroup.com
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