"You need to pull yourself together and move on with your life."
By Bob Rill, B.S., Chaplain
Grief Recovery Specialist
www.TheGriefandWellnessGroup.com
By Bob Rill, B.S., Chaplain
Grief Recovery Specialist
www.TheGriefandWellnessGroup.com
Everyone tells you to move on with your life, but no one tells you how to do it. It’s always easier to give advice than it is to put it into practice.
While crawling under the house one day to inspect some pluming, I came across a beam supporting the floor that was much thicker than the rest. In my attempt to move under it, I got stuck. There I was flat on my stomach, pinned by this heavy wood beam. I was stuck and alone in a dark and dusty place. Just a step below panic, I started digging in the dirt around my hips to give me more wiggle room to get free. Eventually, I created enough space to be able to retreat to the entrance I came in through. After my blood pressure returned to normal and I had enough fresh air for my dust filled lungs, I decided to return, only this time better prepared with a short handled shovel.
Grief is like that wood beam that had trapped me. Trying to move forward without the right tools can only serve to get the griever stuck. So when you tell someone to get on with their life, you are showing little is any sympathy for the loss the person has experienced. Remember, it is always easier to talk about solutions than it is to do it.
Realistically, you and every other griever only have two choices:
1. Stuff it – act as though you have moved beyond the hurt and pain. That’s when you truly GET STUCK!
2. Grieve – Yes! Grief is a choice. For those that choose to grieve and get the right tools for the situation, they will in fact, be able to move on with their life and it will be more rewarding than you or they can imagine.
Instead of telling someone to pull themselves together and move on with their life, point them in the right direction and encourage them to get help.
While crawling under the house one day to inspect some pluming, I came across a beam supporting the floor that was much thicker than the rest. In my attempt to move under it, I got stuck. There I was flat on my stomach, pinned by this heavy wood beam. I was stuck and alone in a dark and dusty place. Just a step below panic, I started digging in the dirt around my hips to give me more wiggle room to get free. Eventually, I created enough space to be able to retreat to the entrance I came in through. After my blood pressure returned to normal and I had enough fresh air for my dust filled lungs, I decided to return, only this time better prepared with a short handled shovel.
Grief is like that wood beam that had trapped me. Trying to move forward without the right tools can only serve to get the griever stuck. So when you tell someone to get on with their life, you are showing little is any sympathy for the loss the person has experienced. Remember, it is always easier to talk about solutions than it is to do it.
Realistically, you and every other griever only have two choices:
1. Stuff it – act as though you have moved beyond the hurt and pain. That’s when you truly GET STUCK!
2. Grieve – Yes! Grief is a choice. For those that choose to grieve and get the right tools for the situation, they will in fact, be able to move on with their life and it will be more rewarding than you or they can imagine.
Instead of telling someone to pull themselves together and move on with their life, point them in the right direction and encourage them to get help.
Bob Rill, B.S., Chaplain
Grief Recovery Specialist
Bob has 18 years of experience as an educator and administrator. As a Grief Recovery Specialist and Veteran, he delights in helping individuals move beyond the pain of loss.
Bob is available to walk you through the actual steps to recovery. Call 520-668-5906 and ask for Bob.
Grief Recovery Specialist
Bob has 18 years of experience as an educator and administrator. As a Grief Recovery Specialist and Veteran, he delights in helping individuals move beyond the pain of loss.
Bob is available to walk you through the actual steps to recovery. Call 520-668-5906 and ask for Bob.
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