Blog Posts - The Grief & Wellness Group

Mental Health Monday - Moral Fitness

12/1/2014

“Integrity is not a 90 percent thing, not a 95 percent thing; either you have it or you don't.” Peter Scotese

I heard a statement the other day about a thief that went like this, “Deep down inside he’s a good person.” To me that statement says two things loud and clear: 1) the thief knew the difference between right and wrong; and 2) the thief made a clear choice that stealing was okay for him to do.

If we define morality as knowing the difference between right and wrong, then Moral Fitness is evidenced by how we live our lives every day. Moral Fitness is the outward expression of your values in all areas of your life.

As a society, we need guidelines, rules and laws by which we are willing to conduct our lives in order to remain stable and in agreement with a common community. It used to be that the majority of Americans agreed on what was right and what was wrong or bad. Doing what was right was expected of everyone and wrong actions were punished.

However, today morality has become subjective. It is often determined by a review of the circumstances including a person intentions. Even the cost of time and money to bring the infraction to justice is frequently a deciding factor.

So, the petty thief is allowed to walk away with a handful of cigars. The bank writes off a bad loan because it would be too costly to collect, and the country turns its collective head when the political leadership violates his or her oath of office.

There is a real problem with this kind of behavior. Even a small hole gets deeper and deeper if we keep digging in the same place. While Moral Fitness is a personal choice each of us must make, there are laws, rules and ethical guidelines we need to follow in order to keep the very fabric of our country intact. Be sure and comeback next week to read and discover the ultimate source for our ethical behavior.

Mental Health Monday - Handling Pressure

11/24/2014

    A person can gauge their Mental Fitness largely on how they handle pressure.
Previously I dealt with the topic of emotions. I stated that emotions are the taste
buds of life. While that is a true statement, Mental Fitness is a person’s ability
to remain in control of their emotions under pressure. It is the ability to remain
calm and focused in the face of unexpected events that can produce those
moments of extreme anxiety.

    How is it possible to survive and even thrive under pressure? You must have
a system to regain psychological control in the face of unexpected events or
distractions. The key factor in Mental Fitness is to learn how to condition
your mind to think positively so that you can overcome frustrations, negative self-talk and push past the circumstances
you face in order to act confidently.

    The Grief & Wellness Group teaches such a tool that will get you on the right track and keep you there when
used on a regular basis. It can help you develop an automatic response to the anxious moments and keep you
sharp so you can focus on the task at hand.

Mental Health Monday - Focus

11/18/2014

“The key to success is to focus our conscious mind on things we desire not things we fear.” Brian Tracy

Now that you know what your “IT” is and are motivated to see your tasks through to completion, what is the next logical step?[1] The next step is probably the most serious component to Mental Fitness. This critical component is FOCUS.

Lack of Focus is believed to be the number one reason people don’t get what they want.

Think of focus as your swinging rope bridge. It is the path you need to take to get from where you are now to where you want to go. In order to walk across a great canyon, you need to concentrate on each step you take. One wrong step and you could slip and hurt yourself, or worse yet, become a causality by falling to the bottom of the canyon.

Scary? Maybe, but you want to get to the other side, so you carefully calculate each step. It takes a lot of energy to be certain, but you can reach your dream one step at a time.

Distractions. You know they’ll come to haunt you once you’ve started your journey. So, how do you handle them? There are two common distractions to which I want to provide the solutions.

1. The first is the temptation to compare yourself with others. Do not judge your progress and performance by someone else’s. Take responsibility for yourself and your dream with a forward look as to what needs to be done and do it.

2. The second common distraction you may encounter is negative chatter from family members and friends. You will need to block out such comments in order to continue the pursuit of your dream.

This is your dream. While you might like others to share your vision, you need to prepare yourself for those who may not agree, or may even try to discourage you from moving forward.

If the dream you have is one of your own choosing, and if your dream is one that is truly meaningful to you, then you have the main ingredients to make it happen. You can expect to reach that dream in the same way you would reach the other side of the canyon—one step at a time across that narrow bridge.

Once you start, don’t look back. That is the ultimate distraction to focusing on the task ahead.

IT is determining who you are, what you are meant to do, and preparation for starting and sharpening your talent to do it.

MENTAL HEALTH MONDAY - Mental Fitness

11/11/2014

“When the world says, ‘Give up.’ Hope whispers, “Try it one more time”. Unknown

Last week we looked at step one, which is to identify your “it”. The second step to Mental Fitness is Motivation. If you have discovered what “it” is for you, motivation comes more naturally and easier. Everyone is motivated at some level. When a person is thirsty they are motivated to get up and get a drink of water. The kind of motivation that goes beyond the basic needs and pushes a person to move beyond the thought of what they can accomplish has three components.

There must be some activating force or purpose that triggers the person to get up and do something about their dream. For the sake of illustration, let’s say a young man decides he wants to become an outstanding automotive technician. That has become his “it”. The first thing he will likely do is find a program that will provide the fundamental knowledge of how the components of a car actually work.

Once he has decided on a course of action and has enrolled in a training program that he believes will move him toward his goal, he then must accept the direction the organization has set up for him to follow. In other words, the organization or school now determines the work and study that it believes is necessary to move him toward the goal he says he wants.

The next necessary quality is persistence. In order to earn the credentials needed to qualify for the certification required to succeed in this area, the young man will need to understand and complete all the courses offered. Every goal has obstacles that need to be overcome. It is when he is confronted with these obstacles that persistence is essential. Whatever investment of time, money and/or energy he has invested, it is persistence that will determine whether or not he will reach his goal.

Finally, the third quality that is needed to reach the goal is passion. There needs to be a driving force that keeps you pursuing your goal. In the case of our illustration, the young man might have a natural ability of understanding the nuts and bolts, but struggles with comprehending some of the electrical concepts needed to complete the course. So while one area may come easy, he will have to exert a focused effort in another area in order to complete the course of study. So, in order to reach the desired end result, he must have a passion to push him forward toward the completion of his dream.

You can reach your goal. You need only to have the three qualities listed here – purpose, persistence and passion!

MENTAL HEALTH MONDAY - Mental Fitness

11/3/2014

What is Mental Fitness? It is the psychological attitude that allows you to cope with the various demands that are placed on you every day. Specifically, being consistent, determined, focused, confident, resilient, and graceful under pressure.

At the core of Mental Fitness is having a strong, unshakable belief in yourself and your abilities to accomplish your goals. That sounds like the absolute definition of confidence in yourself and your talents.

So, where do we get the kind of confidence that will give you that unshakable belief in yourself and your abilities to keep looking forward in life? It starts with the foundation of this series Physical Fitness, Emotional Fitness, and Spiritual Fitness. In other words who you are, what you are meant to do, and preparation for starting and sharpening your talent to do it.

What is “IT”? I don’t know what “IT” is for you but for me “IT” is helping those individuals who are interested in getting more out of life than three square meals and a bag of potatoes chips to munch on watching TV every evening.

Only you can determine what “IT” is for you yet the one hint I’ll give you is the enduring “IT” involves helping others. It is the insurance person who helps folks know how much life insurance is needed to protect the hopes and dreams of their family should any unexpected tragedy show up. It is also the counselor who is willing to listen to peoples’ woes and explore solutions for their consideration at a time when they may not be thinking clearly. “IT” is the chef who prepares the best meals served with loving concern and the training of others in his field to follow his legacy.

“IT” is not a hedonistic lifestyle that has no enduring value toward others and cannot be satisfied and sustained long-term. Life is a journey not a destination. So, helping others develop their gifts and talents as you walk your own journey is the only thing that will provide you with the greatest satisfaction a person can experience in this life.

MENTAL HEALTH MONDAY - STINKIN' THINKIN'

10/27/2014

Cure for “Stinkin’ Thinkin’”

There is an old joke about two ladies enjoying a cup of coffee together and one lady says, “Whenever I’m down in the dumps, I get a new hat.” To which the other lady replies “Oh my dear, I always wondered where you picked up those ugly things.”

So, how do you handle things when you are down in the dumps? Here are some suggestions that may help you with your attitude when you become discouraged or overwhelmed.

1.      Take a break - When day-to-day activities start to get you down, stop staring at the problem, take a walk, go to lunch or do whatever you can do to clear your head. You should realize a renewed vigor with a clearer head when you return to the task at hand.

2.      Focus on your longer term goals - If you are overwhelmed by so many things that need to be done, shorten your “to do list.” Pick just two items that need to be accomplished. The first one could be something you really enjoy and can be accomplished quickly and easily. The second item can be one that will contribute the most to your long term goals. Remember, most deadlines can be moved without too much damage being done.

3.      Call in the Cavalry - It is possible to pay someone else to do almost anything. There is a surrogate that is willing and prepared to do anything from your grocery shopping to picking up your dog’s poop from your yard. You may even have a friend that will come alongside you to make the task more enjoyable. Remember, two people usually can get the work done three times faster than one person can anyway.

Each of us need to realize and develop steps that will reconnected us to life. These suggestions may help you start to develop what you need to do to get over a down turn in your attitude.

If the rug is pulled out from underneath you however, there are more effective steps you can take to get back on your feet. Give the Grief & Wellness Group a call to find out what they are and let us help get your mojo back.

Mental Health Monday - Attitude Fitness

10/21/2014

Testing Your Resolve

We’ve been talking about Attitude Fitness the last few weeks. If you’ve given your attitude awareness some thought, what kind of grade would you give yourself? Take a minute, think about it and grade yourself. The trick here is to be completely honest with where you currently stand, right this minute . . . . Ready?

Grade yourself on the following scale of A+ to F.

A+ I would say, Norman Vincent Peale, move over! I have the next best, greatest book ready to come out on the power of positive thinking.

B In all humility, I have a very positive attitude. There are only a few things that get me off my game. Just ask my spouse.

C I’m encouraged most of the time but when something goes wrong, I always think the worst.

D When I get up in the morning, I just know something will spoil my day. It’s either going to rain, I’m going to get into a car accident or something bad is going to happen.

F I don’t want to get out of bed. You are likely to see my picture on TV’s Top 20 Most Frustrated People program.

If you’ve been honest with yourself you are likely somewhere less than the A+. The good news is that your attitude is a habit you can improve and correct. It takes just 21 days to develop a new and improved habit.

To prove to yourself that you can do it, take this simple test. When you cross your arms, which arm is on the outside or on top? For the right handed person it’s usually the right arm that rests on top. For the next 21 days every time you cross your arms, change it up and place your left arm on top and on the outside. In other words, whichever way you did it originally do the opposite for the next 21 days. At first it will seem awkward but you will remember that you decided to change. And, after 21 days it will seem just as comfortable as the original way you used to cross your arms.

Once you’ve experimented with that test, tackle the task of improving your attitude.

Step 1. Identify the area of your attitude you want to change, only one.

Step 2. For the next 21 days every time something triggers you in that specific area to get you off your game (bad attitude), change it up. Try looking for the silver lining or possibly force yourself to just say “Thank you” - whatever fits your particular situation. Sounds crazy I know but just try it. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised at the progress you will make in your attitude.

Finally, repeat, repeat, repeat steps one and two for 21days on your next project.

Most of us will not likely become an A+ positive person, but we can move closer to the A every 21 days!

Attitude Fitness - Attitude is Everything!

10/13/2014

"There's real magic in enthusiasm. It spells the difference between mediocrity and accomplishment."
Norman Vincent Peale

Let's take a look at color in an effort to further understand Attitude Fitness. This is a natural path to understanding this topic since black is considered the absence of color, while white represents a combination of all colors.

I'm told that when a fire reaches its greatest intensity, it glows white! So, let's let white represent the most enthusiastic attitude a person can display. Then, let's let black represent the kind of attitude that we might refer to as "stinkin' thinkin'."

One more observation. Everyone seems to agree that attitude is 10% the event, circumstances, or things in general that happen to you and 90% of your reaction to what happened. So then, having said all of that, the question is, How then do you create and live the life you've always wanted? Attitude Fitness is like most other areas of your life. It develops as a healthy habit or an unhealthy one. You can work to develop that healthy habit that reflects a burning white fire displaying a zest for the life you are living or a black hole of desperation and despair you don't seem to be able to get free from.

Attitude Fitness:

Gets things done
Brings more happiness into your life
Works toward achieving goals
Produces more energy
Gets more respect from others
Helps attain successful ends
Generates love from other people

Hmm...I've just described the results of a positive attitude. Do I need to list the detailed results of the black hole? Well, you can if you like but I choose not to waste the energy on it since everyone has either been there or has seen someone disappear into that hole.

How do you change from the dark place to step into the white light?

The first step in to recognize and acknowledge you are in a dark place. The next step is to decide to do something about it. The Grief & Wellness Group can give you the steps that will move you into the white light and get rid of the baggage that is keeping you trapped in that black hole. Call us today.

Attitude Fitness

10/6/2014

Ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it."
Lou Holtz

Attitude fitness is one of those elusive terms that is hard to define. We can describe its many faces without being able to pin down a clear definition.

Attitude makes the journey either a pleasant one or a chore. It makes us liked or one who is to be avoided. It is in fact best understood by using the word itself to help carry the message. Take the statement from Norman Vincent Peale, "Any fact facing us is not as important as our attitude toward it, for that determines our success or failure. The way you think about a fact may defeat you before you ever do anything about it. You are overcome by the fact because you think you are." In essence all that you do, all the events that come your way are better served by believing in your ability to accomplish a desired end.

I've come to the conclusion that a can do attitude is that spark inside you that first gets you off the launching pad and keeps you pressing forward despite the obstacles that stand in your way. My challenge for you this month is to take 30 days, renew the spark that got you launched and identify the path that will fan the flames of passion to help you get the most out of every day and everything you do.

One of my favorite role models for determination is Michael Jordan. Jordan had a fabulous career in NBA Basketball giving many of us a renewed enjoyment of the game. The grace and style with which he played the game during his NBA years earned him the distinction of being the greatest basketball player of all time. During his career he claimed to have missed 9,000 shots, lost 300 games and when given the opportunity 26 times to make the winning shot, he failed to score.

Michael's dunking ability, gliding from the free-throw line to the hoop, gave him the nickname Air Jordan or His Airness and during his playing career probably was the subject of more sportscast replays than any single player in history.

Michael Jordan is remembered for his accomplishments and passion for the game of basketball - not for the misses and failures of games lost. Jordan learned that kind of grace under pressure by making every day count because of the desire that began burning in him for the game of basketball.

What have you yet to accomplish? The choices you make everyday will either bring you closer to that goal or prevent you from achieving it. A can do attitude will be the spark to ignite the passion in you to overcome whatever obstacles may come your way.

Show Me the Love?

9/28/2014

This month I have been talking about Spiritual Fitness and have the privilege of addressing the topic a fifth Monday.

I stated that it is not a really complicated subject and that spirituality is attained by faith in the person of Jesus Christ. Everything else after that classifies as maturity or spiritual growth. So, I will conclude with three points on this matter that sums up the tremendous value and impact of Spiritual Fitness.

1.     Christ came as an agent of change. Christ changed religion, which is an attempt of man to please God as established and illustrated in the pages of the Old Testament, to a relationship as revealed in the New Testament. Christ promised, because of His personal sacrifice, he would “never leave you or forsake you.”

2.     Christ introduced the concept of a new kind of Love. By changing the nature of this relationship with God, Christ elevated the value of people. No longer was one group more highly thought of than another; but for the first time every person that became a Christ follower could boldly come into the presence of a Holy God. I hope the significance of that will permeate your heart and mind.

3.     The Bible is the inspired Word of God. This Holy Book is given so that you might have a guide to live your life by. More people have been lifted from the depths of despair by becoming a Christ follower than any other “pull yourself up by the bootstraps” method. The Bible then becomes a guidebook of “How then shall we live.” I don’t look at it as a book of rules that a person must follow, but rather as a book filled with a formula for successful long-term living (and that’s the only kind that counts). It is a book complete with illustrations and warnings of those things that could trip you up and cause destruction in your life.

So, what about Love? It is a simple formula for beginning a relationship that elevates you to lofty heights, and provides the guidelines for a happy life. My prayer for you is that you will embrace the happiness and joy this kind of LOVE can bring into your life. It works every time! God, Himself, makes that promise.