All Categories - The Grief & Wellness Group

Mental Health Monday - Personal Responsibility

2/23/2015

“We are called to be architects of the future, not its victims”
R. Buckminster Fuller

Personal Responsibility Fitness is the direct expression of one’s character. It is a display of a person’s independence, integrity, capabilities, insights and judgment. Like most personality traits it must be refined. It includes a healthy dose of mental preparation, persistence, perseverance and opportunities. The reason people struggle with it is because it takes a person out of their comfort zone and stretches the boundaries of life and mind.

To our detriment, we live in a society that has created an unhealthy dependence through a pseudo form of security that is robbing us individually of our independence, freedom and ultimately our responsibility. We rock along thinking things are fine until perhaps like me, you sit down and write an article like this that forces you to examine your own life and intent. We have allowed critical thinking and personal responsibility to take a back seat to complacency.

Too many of us have butts as big as a battle ship from sitting around, wasting time being entertained by TV, gaming or just sitting in front of the computer for hours. Such complacency is killing the human spirit and steals the time and gray matter needed to rise to meet the important challenges we face today. Those who choose to swallow hook, line and sinker the lies and the agenda of a few people with a vigorous voice speaking out is destroying us morally as well as mentally and physically. As a result of the silent majority, agendas are being pushed on us with little resistance.

Those of you who want to make a difference can do something about it!

You are here on earth with your unique talents and abilities for a purpose. Part of that is to help others find their talents and abilities, especially young people who need to hear the truth and be encouraged to advance their own personal responsibility. There is only One source of Truth! If you are in doubt about that, you need to figure that out first. Wrong isn’t wrong because of the title someone gives it. It’s wrong simply because it just doesn’t work and never will. So, when you discover the truth and have things figured out for yourself, get up from the couch, turn off the TV and get busy. You can begin to make a positive difference that will make a better country and a better world for your children and grandchildren.

I started out with a quote from R. Buckminster Fuller and will end with another quote of his that I like and hope will encourage you to soar with those whom you love.

“There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it’s going to be a butterfly.”

Mental Health Monday - Leadership

2/11/2015

Responsibly Fitness - The Great Need for Leadership Today

There was a most important job that needed to be done,
And no reason not to do it, there was absolutely none.
But in vital matters such as this, the thing you have to ask
Is who exactly will it be who'll carry out the task?

Anybody could have told you that everybody knew
                                  That this was something somebody would surely have to do.
                                  Nobody was unwilling; anybody had the ability.
                                  But nobody believed that it was their responsibility.

                                   It seemed to be a job that anybody could have done,
                                   If anybody thought he was supposed to be the one.
                                   But since everybody recognized that anybody could,
                                   Everybody took for granted that somebody would.

                                   But nobody told anybody that we are aware of,
                                   That he would be in charge of seeing it was taken care of.
                                   And nobody took it on himself to follow through,
                                   And do what everybody thought that somebody would do.

                                   When what everybody needed so did not get done at all,
                                   Everybody was complaining that somebody dropped the ball.
                                   Anybody then could see it was an awful crying shame,
                                   And everybody looked around for somebody to blame.

                                   Somebody should have done the job
                                   And Everybody should have,
                                   But in the end Nobody did
                                   What Anybody could have.

                                     Charles Osgood

Mental Health Monday - Responsibility Fitness

2/2/2015

“The buck stops here.” President Harry Truman

When I started this journey on being “Fit for Life,” the first submission was that of physical fitness. And, while I don’t intend on visiting that again for a while it is a caveat for this article. This month I wanted to address the topic of personal responsibility. Personal responsibility is at the core of everything you hope will happen in your life. While we cannot control all those things that happen to us, we are in control of our reaction to those events and circumstances.

When is old, old? When does old become elderly? This morning I walked into the grocery store to buy a bag of dog food. I picked up a 50 lb. bag and threw it over my shoulder and walked to the checkout counter. Several people gave me the look. You know the one. It’s the “Okay, show off!” look you get when you do something the other person wouldn’t or couldn’t do themselves.

While I’m the oldest person in the department at the college where I teach, I only confess to being 37 years old. However, I’m often the butt of a lot of “old” jokes, some of which have been hurtful. And, of course my 40 year old daughter wonders just how she happened to be born before I was. I tell her that the stork brought her as a toddler and that we thought she was so beautiful and loved her so much that we decided to keep her.

So, what does all this have to do with personal responsibility?

Old is not a matter of age, it is a matter of individual responsibility. It is not some arbitrary blanket benchmark someone decides it should be. I am responsible for my health and well-being, and for maintaining the strength and sharpness that will serve me with a quality of life that I believe I can and should be living. I don’t need or want anyone else to tell me my limitations. The prevailing attitude I see all too often is reflected in a sign I saw recently from a homeless man, “Give me a job, or give me money.” Ugh.

So, when do I think I’ll reach the age when I’m old? I decided today that for me it will be the day I no longer am able to throw a 50 lb. bag of dog food over my shoulder and walk a half a block or so to my car parked in the parking lot. Personal responsibility should be no harder than that – looking to yourself for the things that you want in life. The Grief and Wellness Group can clear the way for you to discover that for yourself.

Mental Health Monday - Simple, Not Easy!

1/26/2015

Time fitness is more than managing your task efficiently. A person can accomplish a great many tasks in a day’s time and still not manage their time wisely. Since there have been volumes upon volumes written on the subject by men and women, who have dedicated their lives to the study of time management, I wondered what I could possibly contribute in such a short space. Finally, I decided I would share the following illustration to give you a deeper perspective on the subject.

Time Fitness is as simple as a trip to the grocery store.

When comes to grocery shopping, there are two kinds of shoppers. There is the disorganized buyer and the systematic buyer. Of course, there are those that fit somewhere in between the two extremes, but I’ll only attempt to describe the two extremes.

The first one I’ll call Tommy Troubled. Tommy goes into the kitchen, looks in the refrigerator and doesn’t see anything he like or wants to eat. Time for a trip to the local grocery store. So Tommy jumps into his car and dashes off to the store. Since he’s not sure exactly what he wants, he decides to walk down every aisle. With Tommy’s shopping method, whatever catches his eye and looks good, goes into the basket.

When Tommy gets to the casher and unloads his cart, he is totally shocked at the price of his shopping spree. UGH. He then loads everything into the car and heads for home. On the way home, he thinks of one or two items he forgot, but it’s too late to go back since the frozen items will spoil sitting in the car.

Finally, Tommy arrives home and unloads his groceries. At last something to eat, and he pours himself a large bowl of Sugar Pops only to discover one of the item he most wanted to pick up was milk. Now he is thoroughly angry at himself for not getting the one item he promised to remember to get. Such is the life of Troubled Tommy.

The next shopper is Johnny Sensible. Johnny planned a trip to the local grocery store Saturday morning. Friday Johnny sat down and planned his menu for the coming week. Then from that menu, he made a grocery list of things that he would need. Next he when to his kitchen cabinet and the refrigerator to see what he already had on hand. Once he had crossed of the things that he already had, he went to bed and slept like a baby.

Early Saturday morning Johnny headed out for the store. Johnny also walked down each of the aisles getting the items on his list (even giving in to a few items that he thought would make a special treat for himself). When he arrived at the cashier the only surprise he got were the items that had increased in price since he had last purchased them.

By and large Johnny lives his life under the same kind of strategy and most things go as smoothly as the trips he makes to the grocery store.

You will never stop the unexpected events from elbowing their way into your life, but it doesn’t have to be the way you live your life every day. Be honest with yourself and determine to work on changing the things that would make your life smother. Write down one item to work on and give your attention to it.

Disorganized thinking may be connected to unresolved grief, either recent or long ago. If you think that may be the case give me a call, and let me help you. Bob Rill 520-237-4343

Mental Health Monday-Get a Life!

1/19/2015

“Don’t manage your time; manage your life.” John Maxwell

Life is more than earning a living; it’s about building a life. While everyone needs a formal education it seems to me that we are left to ourselves to figure out how to translate that education into life skills. Ideally, we would be able to model those needed skills from our parents or other close family members, but what if they never figured it out for themselves.

These articles are written for adults, and we’ve been around the block more times than we care to admit. You should have formulated by now those things that you value most. Not only are these things personal, but they also reflect the stage of life in which each of us finds ourselves. Last week I suggested you commit those values to paper. If you did that then now is the time to give each one a priority.

If you can imagine a funnel, that is what we are trying to create with our Time Fitness concept—to create the life we want. The funnel might look something like this:

                                       Category:                   Family

                                       Activity:                     Date Night with my spouse

                                       Daily to do:              Under Friday- Movie

                                       Appointment:             6:30 go to cinema x see Sniper

If you don’t plan, it doesn’t happen. Whether you get your desired results is up to you.

Mental Health Monday - Time Fitness

1/12/2015

“The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want.” Ben Stein

I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve heard some version of “2015. Wow! Where did 2014 go? It seemed like such a blur it went by so fast.” The truth is a simple mathematical equation. Each of us is given a fresh twenty-four hours at the start of each day. Just as 2014 consisted of 365 of those 24 hour periods, we must choose what we are going to do with each day in 2015.

You have the freedom to spend it however you like. Really. It all comes back to the question, “What do you want your life to look like?” If you aren’t doing the things that matter to you the most, why not? If you’re not doing what matters most, then you are being held hostage to the things that hold very little value to you.

What are your core values? Your daily activities should be reflecting the values you hold dearly. In the words of Hyrum Smith, CEO of Franklin Quest Co. “Doing a better job of managing our time is meaningless unless we are managing it to accomplish those things that are of greatest importance in our lives.”

Time fitness then is not a 12 step program to become more productive in an otherwise pressure packed world where life and schedules seem to get more and more overwhelming. Rather, it is a contentment knowing that we are making a difference in lives, both those we love and those we care about. So Time Fitness should bring you a sense of harmony and control that conveys you are genuinely a happy and joyful person.

Want to be in control of your life? I’m told being in control is one of the most compelling cravings of human nature. When someone or something else controls your life you can neither be happy or productive. So then the emphasis of these next few weeks will be as much on contentment as it will be for time management as a means of managing your life and making certain it is a reflection of the values you hold dearly.

I urge you to not let another day slip by without writing down what your core values are. That is the first step in determining how you will spend your time in the coming year of 2015.

Mental Health Monday - 20/20 Hindsight

12/29/2014

They say hindsight is 20/20. If that is the case then a person reaching 65, the most common year thought of for retirement, should just about be approaching perfection. Since I haven’t met anyone that age or any other age that even comes close to perfection, I thought it would be worthwhile to encourage you and me to look back over 2014 and ask ourselves three important questions.

While this is normally the time we would make those infamous New Year’s Resolutions that are soon forgotten, I would like you to consider taking a little different approach. You’ll be the same person next year that you were this year except for the people you meet, the books you read and the experiences you journey through. So, what are these three important questions?

1.      Are you happier with the person you became in 2014 than the one you were in 2013?
2.      If not, what is the one thing you could develop that will make 2015 an improvement over 2014?
3.      What will it take to get you started on that one thing that will make 2015 a better and happier year?

Hundreds of people have learned the tools that we teach at the Grief &Wellness Group in order to renew their zest for life.

            “I attended two Grief Recovery sessions with you in the past year…The work
            has really been incredible for me; a year later I am still seeing areas of my life
            that I worked on softening getting lighter, and opening...within me (more than
            ever, in fact!) and within my current relationships…This work has truly been transformative.” JG

The year 2015 may be the perfect time to acquire what others have learned in order to experience the life you’ve always wanted.

          “I didn’t think I needed a grief recovery class. But I found I had minimized
            the pain as a child of divorce. I didn’t realize that outburst of anger and
            misdirected hurt toward family members was a result of the loss. Thanks.” SG

If you haven’t discovered the sort of tool that can give you this new vitality what are you waiting for?
New groups are starting January 27th for 8 weeks. You don’t have to be stuck where you are. The life you want is waiting for you to claim it! Call 520-668-5906 now! It can make all the difference in the world in 2015.

Mental Health Monday - Strive for Moral Fitness

12/22/2014

“There are no easy answers, but there are simple answers. We must have the courage to do what we know is morally right.” Ronald Reagan

I recently heard someone goad another person when they disagreed on the subject of Moral Fitness saying “You think you are so much better than me.” To which the other person replied “No, I really don’t think I’m better than you, I do believe however, I am more consistent than you.”

What did he mean by that? I took it to mean that he thought because he had a proven standard of conduct he tried to live up to, perhaps his life was clearly defined and therefore could be more consistent. This person did have a moral compass to guide his life, and it clearly is noticed by those who come into contact with him.

Morality is the frame that displays the beautiful picture that used to be the American dream, both individually and collectively as a nation. When the frame is destroyed, a country can no longer exist. Like the fall of the Roman Empire, America has gone down the road of moral decay in six different areas that need to be reckoned with before it can rebuild its strength.

The decline of Rome was the result of:

1.      Decline in morals and values—crimes and violence made the streets of the cities unsafe. Lavish parties were given where people drank until they became sick, sex and murder (Colosseum Games) ran ramped.

2.      Political Corruption—central Government expanded so much it became top heavy, causing the wealth of the nation to dry up from heavy taxation.

3.      Unemployment of the working class—using slave labor instead of citizens to do the work, the number of unemployed grew, and they depended on government to feed them.

4.      Failing Economy—the constant wars and heavy spending on military left its mark, and the amount of gold used to make coins declined, making money less valuable (inflation).

5.      Disintegration of the family—bachelors were more highly regarded than fathers and fewer children were born.

6.      Rome stopped protecting its boarders leaving the city open to attack, and unable to maintain trade cities, they could not receive goods from farms causing businesses to disappear.

Did you know this month, December 2014, America lost its place as the world’s most powerful economy? China has exceeded our position as the world’s largest economy. How far down the road of decay will we go before we end up like Rome?

Mental Health Monday - Political Correctness

12/15/2014

Be not deceived “Bad company ruins good morals.” KJV

In April the CEO of Mozilla, Brandan Eich, was pressured to resign over his donation to an anti-same-sex marriage campaign. Brandan is one of the co-founders of the Mozilla project and one can only assume has made many valuable contributions to the organization, yet the morally bankrupt employees and other users of foxfire that expressed outrage over the donation triggered his resignation.

While foxfire has been my favorite web browser, this move is so offensive to me that I am changing to another browser. I do wonder where the outrage from supporters on the moral majority are to counteract this assault on Brandan’s personal freedom. This is just an example of the decay taking place in our country.

This disease being spread throughout our country, primarily on our college campus is called “Political Correctness.” While the term began as a joke in a comic strip, it now represent nothing pertaining to humor. It is a powerful term used to police our speech.

Putting the Insane in Charge of the Asylum

This cultural phenomena promotes a tolerance toward things that are morally repugnant to a society that has its roots in biblical guidelines. While our Founding Fathers gave us the formula for strength and greatness as nation, many current politicians and morally deprived minds drive fear into the hearts of morally upright thinking and behavior.

What’s the solution?

There is a two-step process that should be considered. Those with a clear moral compass that points true north need to seek to live a life that is exemplary of good and right. While that is a solid start, life is not lived in a vacuum. We need to be bold, stand up and voice our objection to the moral bankruptcy sweeping our country. We need to vote for leadership that will have the backbone and steady hand to help rebuild the decay that has taken place on this front.

Mental Health Monday Moral Fitness

12/8/2014

"Wisdom has its root in goodness, not goodness its root in wisdom." — Ralph Waldo

As a nation we are reaching the tipping point at the very core of our moral fiber. As I mentioned last week, TRUTH has become subjective and with it, the fallout of what is good and bad behavior. I do believe generally people have a sense of what is right and wrong, but unless they are taught right from wrong, they will make their own rules up as they go through life without a clear direction to guide them.

For the sake of this article I would like to call truth, the true north on the compass of life. If we define it that way, then 180 degree difference would, by default, have to be moral bankruptcy. In order to remain on course, a person would need to have a stable understanding of where north is, and establish what can be considered to be absolute truth.

So, let’s explore where we might find absolute truth a person can use as a standard to provide guidance for their lives. The criteria must contain at least five elements in order to qualify.

1.      It must be consistent and congruent..

2.      It must not be bias in favor of one group or thought.

3.      It must work 100% of the time without exception.

4.      It must not have a hidden agenda.

5.      It must be clear and discernible, simple to understand

Our dilemma is who or what provides the voice for such information as to what is right and wrong, good and bad, or moral verses immoral. The field if full of contenders, but it all boils down to just three main sources.

The most in frequent, in your face of instruction today is the media. This includes things like movies, news outlets—visual and written (magazines and newspaper etc.), and the internet which is really a combination of all media. Frankly the media doesn’t meet any of the criteria of the five things I’ve mentioned. For the most part, media is a conglomerate of individuals promoting their own agenda. The average person spends eight hours a day influenced by the media, and frankly I think that is likely a low number.

Another source of guidance are the laws of our land that govern our lives every day. Once you realize you can’t legislate morality and make a law that will fit every situation, it too becomes a moot point and useless to serve as a criteria for moral fitness. Our laws are chiefly constructed by a committee of politicians, and the best description of the work a committee does according to David Cobitz is, “A committee can make a decision that is dumber than any of its members”   Kind of leaves me cold.

The third source for discussion is the Bible. In my view it is the only source that meets all five criteria needed for pointing a moral direction true north. Our country was founded on the principals recognized as true between its covers, and most of the founding fathers used it to guide their lives and decisions. Through the years pastors in our church pulpits used it as the single source for how a person should live their lives. It once was the greatest factor that helped guide the citizens of this country to the strength and integrity needed to build a great nation.

I wonder if as a nation we have gone down the road of moral bankruptcy so far that we can’t find our way back. Time will tell, but if there is a moral majority in our country, we had better examine our own lives and then stand up and vote for some integrity and ethical individuals into the leadership positions.

New location!
7790 N. Oracle Rd., Ste. 140
(Turn into 7780 N. Oracle. Office is behind Southwest Kitchen & Bath and Pella Windows.
Ste. 140 is the last building on the right.)

8- Week Groups
Wednesday, May 29 from 6:30 - 8:30pm
Tuesday, June 11 from 10am - Noon
Tuesday, August 20 from 6:30 - 8:30pm

4-Week Class
Helping Children Deal With Loss
For Parents and Adults Who Work With Children
Thursday, June 6 from 6:00 - 8:30pm
Wednesday, July 24 from 6:00 - 8:30pm



Call 520-668-5906  TODAY!
Individual Sessions also Available
Office Location: 7790 N. Oracle Rd., Ste. 140, Tucson, AZ 85704