When people ask me what I do, I tell them I conduct a grief recovery process for those people who recognize that the losses they have experienced in life are controlling much of their behavior. Some losses—such as the death of a loved one—have such deep pain that no one would deny the hurt they have felt.
Others can’t put their finger on specifically why they are so unhappy, yet they recognize a pervasive feeling of sadness. That was truly Holly’s experience when she made the comment, “This better work . . .”
Just so I’m clear, we grieve everything. Grief is the change in the familiar and what's comfortable to the unknown and uncertainty we experience. Some of the biggest losses we struggle through are job loss, divorce, changes in our health and threats to our safety.
The Grief Recovery process I teach is 100% effective in clearing away the fog of misunderstanding and pain that exits in an individual’s life and keeps them from being the person they were meant to become.
Telling you that this process is 100% effective is a monumental and bold statement. While it is 100% effective, it hinges on one significant factor.
YOU MUST EXERCISE TOTAL HONESTY!
Honesty is something of an anomaly in the day in which we live. The accepted standard for the truth often ties to the situation at hand. There are little white lies that we will tell our bosses, spouses and children to keep from hurting their feelings or get us off the hook. We even tell ourselves little white lies from time to time to make ourselves feel better.
For instance, if someone ask about our age, we might give the old Jack Benny reply, “I’m 29 years old” when in reality we are a much different age (probable older hmmmm). You may feel it is a more polite way of telling them “it’s none of your business.”
Now, I’m not here to make judgment calls on the value of where and when shades of gray can or should not be used with one exception. That exception occurs when a person does not tell the truth to himself or herself. Not telling yourself the truth is the worst lie anyone can tell.
Personal deception corrupts and damages our lives more than anything else we could do. The result can be tremendous damage to our relationships, both past and future, and limits the power of who we can become.
This then creates a conundrum. Total honesty. If you are to resolve the grief that has barged into your life, you must be completely and totally honest with yourself. It needs to include the good things, as well as the bad, and unfortunate things that have happened surrounding the grieving event.
There are those that receive less than the full benefit from the grief recovery process because they refuse to tell themselves the truth and be completely honest.
It all comes down to you.
What will you do with this information? Let me encourage you to look the pain directly in the eye and trade in that uncertainty for a brighter tomorrow. You can do it; honestly, you can.
I may have stepped on some toes here with this information but I make no apologies for doing it. You and I both need to be reminded of the seriousness of this one issue. This has even caused me some introspection; I trust it will make me a better person by reviewing some of my own thoughts and actions. I hope it will cause you to pause and consider the consequences of self-deception. In the words of my late Uncle “I shouldn’t have said it, but I’m glad I did.”
Finally, the rest of Holly’s story. Holly gave up purchasing the pair of really nice shoes to attend the group. Although she wasn’t sure at first, she definitely benefited. She was totally honest with herself and about the loss she chose to work through. She was an encouragement to me because of her new outlook on the loss she faced in her life.
You can also experience a new joy by going through this unique process and shedding the cloud that is hanging heavy overhead. Contact me for additional information on this unique process.
Grief Recovery Specialist
Bob has 18 years of experience as an educator and administrator. As a Grief Recovery Specialist and Veteran, he delights in helping individuals move beyond the pain of loss.