NOVEMBER ~ My favorite month of the year! A month that ‘kickstarts’ the holiday season, from Thanksgiving through Christmas!  A season of changing colors and cool, sweater-weather; a season of pumpkin everything (especially at Starbucks:) and a season to smell the burning leaves, the backyard campfires and the wood burning fireplaces around the neighborhood!  Now, take one, big, deep breath!  Can you smell those leaves, the pumpkin pies baking, the logs in those fireplaces?  I hope so, because those smells and visual pictures help resurface our memories from years past.  Even memories from our childhood experiences become especially strong during the holiday season.

IF you are someone who’s had a very tough year of personal or family loss, your Thanksgiving holiday this year may not be the Norman Rockwell experience you were hoping for!  That tough year may have included major losses, and by that I mean deaths of family members and/or friends, a heartbreaking divorce that often feels like death within a family, health losses that changed your life-plans for the future, and last but not least, the death of a beloved family pet!  After tough years of major loss and seasons of pain, you will probably have to work super hard to Give Thanks for the memories!

 NOW let’s talk about the turkey in the middle of the dining room.  Your Thanksgiving dinner table may have fewer people and some empty chairs this year. . .Maybe Dad is gone and won’t be carving the turkey. . .Aunt Mary’s amazing strawberry Jello won’t be on the table, and Uncle Frank?  Well, his jokes and booming voice will be missing.  Years of traditions, laughter and good memories won’t be continued because the family can’t gather at Grandma’s house.  Can there be a giving-of-thanks after so much grief and loss?  Well, a good friend just reminded me that, “Sometimes the questions are complicated, and the answers are simple!”  Wow, hold that thought a minute.

NOW let’s talk about the elephant in the room: Unresolved Grief. You know losses of all kinds are accompanied by seasons of pain, including months or even years of tears!   Thankfully, grieving is a normal and natural reaction to loss, so even though we all grieve differently and for varied amounts of time, the grief-process is meant for your well-being.  It’s necessary to help us heal more completely, physically and emotionally.  When we take action to address the elephant in the room (instead of avoiding it) there’s freedom from our grief, and a new-found ability to Give Thanks for the memories! 

SO, can there be a return of Giving Thanks, even after a year of loss and heartbreak in our lives?  Absolutely!  It may look and feel differently this year; it may include more time and tears, but investing hard work on completing recovery from grief will help you find future freedom to say, "Thanks for the memories, Lord!”


Linda McLaughlin May
Grief Recovery Specialist
THE GRIEF & WELLNESS GROUP
LindaMc4004@gmail.com
ww.GriefTheThief.com
Call today! 520-668-5906

While we all know the lyrics to Deck the Halls and it’s the season to be jolly, fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la, unfortunately, that is not the case for all of us. I found an old survey that I believe probably holds true today, as much if not more than in the past. The survey focused on what causes people the most stress during the holiday season. Here’s what the survey revealed:

1. Being Alone (37%)
Can you relate to this one? Most long to belong—to be loved and to love. Being alone for the holidays just doesn’t seem right, and if you’ve had a loved one die or experienced the end of a romantic relationship, it can be difficult to say the least.   

Tip: You will probably need to give yourself permission to have fun.  Invite a few friends over for snacks and play some games or have a movie night with popcorn and pie. Consider accepting that invitation to join a friend for Thanksgiving dinner. Invite a friend to go with you to a Christmas Eve service or a night out to see the lights. The key is you know it’s going to be hard, so plan. Make plans to be with some people you care about and you know care about you.

2. Shopping and/or Parties (35%)
Trying to decide what to get people can be a major stressor not to mention the possible financial strain. No doubt you want your gifts to be something useful, fun, and yet look extravagant, while at the same time being a wise shopper. 

Tip:  Don’t think you have to figure everything out on your own.  For those hard-to-buy-for people on your list, ask them what’s on their list this year. Also, consider the gift of food. Pick up a couple of steaks or something you know they enjoy. For many people they really don’t need anything, yet a gift of food is something they can enjoy without trying to figure out where they’re going to put another item on their shelf.  
     
And, then there’s the parties! Personally, I like them. I love being with people. Yet, I also know what it can be like if I’m not feeling especially social. It’s possible to be lonely even in a crowded room. You’ve probably been there, done that. Many times, you just might find yourself putting on a happy face and acting as though everything is fine! In the Grief Recovery Method, we say F I N E stands for “Feelings Inside Not Expressed!” So how do you cope?

Tip: If you’re not feeling social but know you really do need to give yourself permission to have fun, let the host know you appreciate the invitation and are planning to come but you’d like to alert them that you might need to leave early.  You can share what details you feel comfortable sharing but don’t allow yourself to feel pressured to share any more than necessary, if you don’t want to go into the details.  Then, at the party, make your way around the room.  Ask people what they’re looking forward to this coming year or ask about their children.  As stated before, give yourself permission to have fun, laugh, and enjoy the moment.  Also, give yourself permission to leave if you find it especially difficult.  If you’ve had a significant death or breakup, your friends will understand.  Take care of yourself.

3. Being with Family (28%)
Let’s face it. Sometimes being with family can be stressful. Maybe Aunt Mable doesn’t like your spouse, or the cousins don’t get along. Different views, preferences, you name it. Being with family can be difficult anytime, especially during the holidays.

Tip:  Watch your expectations. If certain people don’t get along, consider having them sit on the same side of the table with a couple of people in between them.  If a topic is posed that you know people have different opinions on, don’t hesitate to say, "Out of respect for everyone, we’re not going to go there."  Keep the topics light.  Perhaps have some table talk topics prepared in advance, which will not only prevent the hot topics from coming up but create an atmosphere of fun. 
  
Please, let us know how we can be of help during this holiday season.
Call today! 520-668-5906