The man who abused me as a child had begun commenting on common family Facebook posts. When I saw him my heart would begin to race and I felt anxiety rising within me. The abuse had taken place in the early years of my childhood, fifty years ago, and I’d had no contact with him since. But by my reaction when I saw his comments, I knew something needed to change. I thought I had successfully placed that season of my life, that loss of innocence, neatly in a locked box on a dark closet shelf. But here it was spilling out, and producing an emotional and physical reaction all these years later. I knew I could “block” him, but I wanted to be free of the power his “presence” had over me and to be able to face him with confidence.
Through the Grief Recovery Method, I had the tools to do what I’d known I needed to do. This was compatible with my faith and the action I needed to take was clear. I needed to forgive the man who had cast shame upon me and instilled fear into the little girl I’d been and who continued to momentarily paralyze me as an adult.
To forgive didn’t mean I was putting a stamp of approval on the wrong, hurtful things he’d done. It would never mean what he did was okay. Forgiveness didn’t have to mean we’d be “friends” again. And forgiveness wasn’t dependent upon him. It was my “get out of jail card.”
Once I took the steps through the process and made the choice to forgive, he had no power over me. I was able to see him as a person instead of a monster from my past.
Now I was looking at his message, “Please forgive me.” Never in my wildest dreams had I imagined this would happen. Although shocked and surprised by him contacting me, and by his request, I was unshaken.
I told him I had forgiven him a long time ago, and he thanked me for lifting the burden from him. It felt good to be asked, and better to have already made that choice of action.
The Grief and Wellness Group has helped many move beyond the pain of loss. Along the way, there is always an element of forgiveness, whether it is of unmet hopes and dreams in a relationship or hurts that have occurred. You CAN choose to move beyond rather than allow it to hold you captive.
We have individual sessions and groups. Don’t put it off! Call us to reserve your spot at 520-668-5906 or 520-904-2804
Grief Recovery Specialist
The Grief and Wellness Group
Kim has walked through the separation from her birth family for seventeen years of her childhood and the loss of innocence that abuse brings. With her B.A in Communications and a huge heart for those who are hurting, Kim has a desire to help guide others to move beyond loss to grief recovery.