A powerful and popular segment of the game show, Truth or Consequences, was the surprise a contestant would receive near the end of many of the show’s episodes.  The surprise was being reunited with a long-lost relative or their son or daughter returning home from military duty. 
 
This segment had a tremendous emotional impact on the contestant, which was also felt by those witnessing the thrill of the relationships being reestablished.   
 
It’s true that no matter how busy life is with obligations, making a living, taking care of chores, or trying to make time to go to the gym, when it comes right down to it, it’s relationships that really matter.  Yet, relationships aren’t easy.  They take time, effort and even when you think things are going great, the rug can be yanked right out from under you.
 
Take for example, the young man whose first love chooses his roommate over him, or the betrayal of a friend who didn’t respect your confidentiality, the person who suddenly stops contacting you and won’t share why, the friend who let you down when you needed them most or the person who believes an untrue rumor.  Or there’s the parent who seems impossible to please.  Your adult child refuses to allow you to see your grandchildren because they don’t like your religious or political views.  The man you married for life finds another woman.  The spouse you love dearly is diagnosed with cancer.  The sibling that is strung out on drugs won’t take your advice to get help.  The friend who moved away.  The loved one who died.
 
Relationships are so enriching and meaningful, and at the same time can create a lot of pain with which one must learn to deal effectively.  Oh, you can tell yourself you don’t care and sweep it under the rug.  You can divorce your unfaithful spouse or find a replacement for the friend who let you down.  You can distance yourself from your friend, sibling or the parent who keeps bugging you.  You can lie and try to convince yourself that it doesn’t matter, but it does! 
 
Unresolved issues in your relationships will affect you.  You might find yourself replaying the hurtful event or snarly comment over and over in your head.  You might find yourself more easily angered, sad or wanting to withdraw from people.  Unresolved matters can disturb your ability to get a good night’s sleep, cause difficulty in maintaining your focus throughout your day and hinder your ability to trust or love again.  
 
In Part 2 of this series, the article pointed out that the truth can set you free.  While you may want the significant relationships in your life to last forever, the truth is, they don’t.  You’re left with the consequences.  You’re left with the pain that accompanies the loss.
 
As a professional counselor, it occurred to me years ago that most of the clients I saw were dealing with hurts and losses from past or current relationships.  That, and the realization how I was seeking to help wasn’t as effective as I had hoped, sent me on a search to discover a better way, a better, healthy way to heal a broken heart. 
 
The Rest of The Story
 
This process is available to you today!  The Grief & Wellness Group is about helping those who want to move on with their lives and heal their broken hearts – no matter the cause.
 
If you’d like to take charge of the rest of your story, don’t hesitate. 
 
Register for one of our groups today, schedule your individual sessions or, if you are unable to come to our office in Tucson, please contact me personally to arrange online services to walk you through the process for your individual well-being. 
 
"And now you know the rest of the story."

Bobbie Rill, M.A., LPC
Advanced Grief Recovery Specialist/Natl. Trainer
A well-loved speaker and counselor, Bobbie has been guiding individuals successfully for over 25 years.

The Grief and Wellness Group, Inc.
www.GriefTheThief.com

As mentioned in Part 1 below, the game show “Truth or Consequences” was an instant hit in 1940 when it originally aired on NBC radio.  The host from 1940 -1957, Ralph Edwards, announced one day he would air the program on its 10th anniversary from the first town that renamed itself after the show.  Hot Springs, New Mexico won the honor, officially changed its name on March 31, 1950, and the program was broadcast from there the following evening on April 1st.  No fooling!  The name Truth or Consequences remains the name of the city to this day. 
 
During the show, the host would ask a contestant a bizarre question.  If the person didn’t know the answer or would choose not to respond correctly, which many would do intentionally, the consequence was to perform a senseless or embarrassing act that ended with everyone enjoying a good laugh.   
 
Well, life isn’t a game (which you might have heard me say before) and the consequences of our decisions are rarely fun or funny.    
 
Take the person who starts flirting with a co-worker and minimizes the behavior.  “It’s innocent.” “It’s no big deal,” that person might rationalize.  The person might think it’s fun, it feels good, or, “I’m making someone else feel special in the moment.”  Don’t be deceived!  It is a big deal and often ends with people getting hurt and families being destroyed.  Believing a lie might appear to have some payoffs but huge loses for multiple people can result from one person disregarding truth!  Accepting your lie as truth or intentionally ignoring the truth can change your whole perspective and even your core values.  It is easy to justify our behaviors or even blame others for them. 
 
Consider the child who grew up with critical parents, an alcoholic dad, a promiscuous mother, use of drugs, a conflictual environment and being compared to a sibling who could do no wrong. Can you begin to image the lies about life, opportunities, or self that has been formed?
 
Many of the lies we believe come from messages received from others.
 
Take for example the woman living in an abusive situation and is subjected to demeaning comments and derogatory remarks about her worth.  Eventually she concludes it’s true.  “No one would want me.”  “I’m not beautiful.”  “I am unlovable.”  They’re lies but she has accepted them as truth.  How can she begin to tell herself the truth, and would the truth really set her free?
 
Yes!  The truth of understanding one’s self-worth can set a person free – free to engage in life and relationships with a whole new, healthy perspective and with confidence.  No matter what circumstances you came from or the lies you’ve heard even from the well-meaning people in your life, you can discover amazing freedom through truth.
 
Sometimes people don’t want to face the truth because to do so means accepting responsibility to do something about it, and besides, there might be some benefits to holding onto the lies they’ve come to believe.  
  
For instance, the teen who cheats on an exam and escapes being “found out” and isn’t banned from using the family car or grounded.  Maybe your affair is not discovered, or no one notices the money missing from a financial report. 
 
It takes courage to face the lies you’ve believed and to search for truth, and once you know the truth, to take the appropriate action steps to move forward in your life.  There is hope!  Let me, or someone you trust to tell you the truth, help you today.  It just might be the game changer you’ve been longing for and bring greater satisfaction to your life.  No fooling! 
 
Truth or Consequences Part 3:  The rest of the story.  Coming soon! 

Bobbie Rill, M.A., LPC
Advanced Grief Recovery Specialist/Natl. Trainer
A well-loved speaker and counselor, Bobbie has been guiding individuals successfully for over 25 years.

The Grief and Wellness Group, Inc.
www.GriefTheThief.com

I like to have fun.  I like games.  I like the fun interactions with people.  I like to laugh, and I like to win.  Yes.  The Game Show Network (GSN) is one of my favorite TV stations.  I like to see the enthusiasm of the contestants; the excitement of anticipation they experience thinking about the possibilities.  I like seeing how thrilled they are just being chosen to participate.  I like people and I like seeing them win.    
 
One wacky game show was the long-running Truth or Consequences.  It first aired on NBC radio as early as 1940 and was an instant hit.  It later aired on both CBS and NBC television networks and was also syndicated.  The show had various hosts throughout its duration starting with its creator, Ralph Edwards in 1950, but I remember watching Bob Barker who hosted the show from 1956 – 1975, prior to his hosting The Price is Right – another game show I have enjoyed.
 
The premise of Truth or Consequences was to give contestants a little quiz, usually an off the wall question with only a couple of seconds to answer.  If the contestant did not get the answer right there would be consequences, usually a crazy and embarrassing stunt requiring their participation. 
 
The interesting phenomenon about the show was that right from the start they found that most people preferred to get the question wrong, even if they knew the answer, in order to perform the stunt.  They preferred the consequences rather than telling the truth!    
 
Why People Lie
 
There’s lots of research on the reasons people lie to each other.  It varies from trying to protect oneself by seeking to avoid being punished for a mistake or bad behavior, to trying to impress others by promoting a more favorable image, to being socially correct, to telling people what we believe they want to hear.  We get this although it certainly doesn’t make it right.
 
Yet, it may be true that the hardest person in the world to be honest with is yourself.  If you stop and think about it, it’s a constant battle to tell yourself the truth because it is so easy to lie that you might not even notice what you are doing. 
 
Take for example a goal you’ve set.  You may start off motivated but when it gets difficult you start rationalizing why you can’t do it.  The goal is unachievable, not worth the effort, you don’t have the time or money.  The goal is too lofty or insignificant.  Lying to yourself can get you “off the hook” and you convince yourself it is true, so you feel much better about your situation and yourself.  But what if you tell yourself the truth?  What incredible accomplishments might you achieve?  Look at Thomas Edison.  After 1,000 failures to find the right filament for the light bulb, he was able to continue to tell himself the truth and look at what he achieved.
 
Lies keep people from becoming the person they can be and accomplishing the unimaginable, the inconceivable, and experiencing the thrill of reaching their potential. 
 
What is it that you may be playing over and over in your mind that isn’t based on truth?  What would happen if you chose today to tell yourself the truth and put action to your decision?  What might you accomplish?  What stunt could you successfully pull off? Why wait?  Start telling yourself the truth right now!
 
Part 2 – The truth will set you free.  Is that a true statement?  Coming soon!

Bobbie Rill, M.A., LPC
Advanced Grief Recovery Specialist/Natl. Trainer
A well-loved speaker and counselor, Bobbie has been guiding individuals successfully for over 25 years.

The Grief and Wellness Group, Inc.
www.GriefTheThief.com