Recently I had an interesting conversation with a friend, Sasha, who said her five-year-old daughter Jenna was struggling with a situation at school. When I questioned her, Sasha said she didn’t really know what was going on since Jenna wouldn’t talk with her about it at all, but she’d observed her acting out and her teacher had spoken with Sasha about trying to figure out how to help Jenna. My mind immediately flashed back to another time I was with both of them and Jenna asked her mother about an emotionally charged event in her mother’s life. Sasha’s response to her daughter was, “We aren’t going to talk about that.  Stop asking about it.”

I couldn’t help but think that was part of the reason Jenna was so locked down about her feelings and the school situation. Sasha was modeling for her daughter how to handle her feelings, and how to NOT communicate them.  Children are more naturally imitators than they are followers of instructions. I encouraged Sasha to talk to Jenna about her own feelings in an age-appropriate way. For instance, Sasha could let her daughter know that, “Mommy’s feelings were hurt and I felt sad when that man said those things.”

As adults we must establish a tone of trust and help our children feel safe opening up about their feelings. We do this by telling the truth about our own feelings. Sad or scared feelings are a normal part of life and allowing those feelings to be expressed is healthy. When you “act strong” for the child in your life, she will copy this as if “non-feelings” are normal. In fact, human feelings are as normal as breathing, and talking about them with someone who listens without judgment, criticism or analysis can have a tremendous wholesome impact.

In a recent viewing of a This Is Us episode (NBC) Kevin quotes his sister Kate about grief, “If we don’t allow ourselves to grieve, it’s like taking a giant breath in and holding it.” Think about how long you’d live if you never exhaled.  It’s a great analogy.  Kevin then encourages all in attendance to just breathe out.  This exhaling allows for the release of feelings of tension bottled up inside.  Try it!

True strength models for our children how to communicate feelings and not bury them so that they seep out, or explode, in unhealthy ways.  True courage says, “I’m scared, but I’m doing this anyway.”

Sasha has since told me that as she has been more open about her feelings, Jenna has shared with her about what is happening at school.  In her little five-year-old way, she is exhaling.

Beginning April 3rd from 2:00 – 4:30pm we’ll be exploring how to truly help children who are dealing with loss in their lives. When you think about it, who doesn’t deal with loss at one time or another? Each of us can gain from the information The Grief Recovery Institute® teaches. I hope you’ll make the time to join us for four weeks of learning valuable, relationship transforming information.

For questions and more information, give me a call at 520-405-6774
or email me at kim.worcester@gmail.com.

Kim Worcester
Grief Recovery Specialist
The Grief & Wellness Group
kim.worcester@gmail.com

Kim has walked through the separation from her birth family for seventeen years of her childhood and the loss of innocence that abuse brings. With her B.A. in Communications and a huge heart for those who are hurting, Kim has a desire to help guide others to move beyond loss to grief recovery.

This Christmas I had the delight of spending time with my granddaughter, Amara.  She is the cutest and smartest 2-year-old in the whole world. . . .  I know you may think your granddaughter is, but be that as it may, playing with those tiny feet reminded me of a story I want to tell you.

A few years ago, I was puzzled as to what to get my wife for Christmas.  Then I remembered she had been looking for a bench to fit under our bedroom window.  I hit the jackpot and Bobbie was thrilled when she opened her gift.   However, just a few weeks later she wanted a chair to complete the bedroom ensemble.

So, with the purchase of the chair, the bench was moved from under the window to the foot of the bed.  You can see where this is going, can’t you?

Well, before I could adapt to the new location of the bench, one night I got up to go to the bathroom, and in the dark I kicked the bench !$%#&!!! hard enough to break my toe.  The toe I broke was the little piggy that had roast beef.

In my attempt not to wake Bobbie, now with my blood curtailing scream she was wide awake.  We sat there trying to decide whether to go to the emergency room, and finally decided that with my medical training in the army, I could splint the little piggy myself and save myself a night of torture waiting in the ER through the wee hours of the morning.

So, I taped the little piggy that had roast beef to the little piggy that stayed home.  With me so far?  I put ice on my foot, took two aspirin, and went back to bed.

Important side bar: You need to know that the toes on my right foot drift slightly to the right.  So, when I taped the little piggy that ate roast beef to the little piggy that stayed home, it healed straighter than it was before.

What I should have done was tape the little piggy that had roast beef to the little piggy that had none for it to grow back into the original and correct position.

So, what is the moral of this story you ask? I’m glad you did!   Had I gone to the ER, the real doctor may well have caught this important difference and the piggy with the roast beef would now have the correct alignment with all the other little piggies. 

If the little piggy that had roast beef were in alignment with the other little piggies, I would not have the occasional pain I experience during some walking excursions. (It is especially bad on shopping trips with my wife, and I need to sit down more frequently than I otherwise might have to if, say I were hunting.) Seriously, I would not have the painful reminder of my mistake when I walk.

You may be experiencing a Broken Heart, or perhaps, a life you realize is not as happy as you would like it to be. I strongly encourage you not to try and fix it on your own. If you try to do the same thing with your Broken Heart, thinking time will heal all, you may in fact later live to regret your choice. At the very least, you will regret the time you lost waiting for things to get better when they don’t.  You most certainly are not likely to get the results you really want.

So, get the results you really want the first time. Give us a call, and let one of our Grief Recovery Specialists walk you through the simple steps to recovery. We can explain the difference and you will certainly experience the difference in a full and happy life.

We have groups starting regularly, and there are always individual sessions that can be available to you. 

Give me a call today at 520-668-5906.
 

Bob Rill, CGRS and Chaplain
The Grief & Wellness Group, Inc.
www.GriefTheThief.com

Bob has over 20 years of experience as an educator and administrator. As a Grief Recovery Specialist and a Veteran, he delights in helping individuals move beyond the pain of loss.