I love February, don’t you?  It’s not only the shortest month of the year but it’s an entire month laser-focused on matters of the heart!  From day one, February celebrates Heart Awareness, Heart Health and even a National Day to Wear Red for Women’s hearts.  Then, on February 2, Groundhog Day slips into our calendars, but that excitement is gone in a heartbeat, completely overshadowed by hearts and flowers announcing Valentine’s Day is coming!
 
On a recent trip to a neighborhood bookstore, I saw two special gift sections for Valentine’s Day. The first table displayed everything-you-want-or-need-to-know about the classic movie, The Wizard of Oz!  (By the way, did you know that movie is 80 years old this year? I know!!) That table included books, DVD’s, posters and plaster statues of Dorothy, Scarecrow, Tin Man and of course, Cowardly Lion. 
 
The second display table had books galore along with greeting cards, plaques, calendars, journals, everything you can possibly imagine with the word HEART on it!  My favorite was a wall plaque with the words, ‘A Heart Full Of Courage’.  I smiled because I realized how perfect that sign was for two of the Oz characters on the other table, Tin Man, who wanted. . .no absolutely needed a heart!  And Cowardly Lion, who cried daily for some courage. So, I decided to google just what heart and courage have in common for Valentine’s Day.  Here’s what I discovered!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“COURAGE is a heart-word! The root of the word, courage is Cor - the Latin word for heart. Speaking from our hearts is what I think of as ‘ordinary courage’!
Bre`ne Brown 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~                                             
Life on the yellow brick road was Dorothy’s dream-adventure, but everyone she met along the way gave heart, purpose and courage to her journey.  Even the Wicked Witch and the ‘fake news’ Wizard taught Dorothy patience, confidence and kindness, especially during some tough situations! Thankfully, Dorothy didn’t have to do life in Oz alone.  She had amazing, loyal friends to love and lean on! 

Life is so daily for each of us and not always a dream, technicolor adventure!  We meet thousands of people in a lifetime, and ultimately will love and lose many of those people.  Our life expectations and dreams may change or fail us through the years, as well as what we ‘must have’ or acquire to be successful.   Valentine’s Day can be a tough holiday for anyone who has experienced recent major loss, the death of a spouse or the heartbreak of divorce. Grieving is a normal and natural response to our losses.
 
Well, I ended up buying Valentines for my family and friends. Most of them say, ‘I Love You!’, and some even include Dairy Queen and Amazon gift cards!  But, just in case Hallmark is reading this, here’s my Valentine suggestion for 2020 under the section of Broken Hearts/Love and Loss. . . .  
 
 I am so sorry for your losses this year!  I can’t imagine the heartbreak and sorrow you have been through.  But please know, I SO admire your heart full of courage!                                                                                                                             

You are past due by a year for this appointment, Kim.”  Wow! I thought it was just a couple of months overdue. How time flies when life is so full! I think of the oxygen mask emergency demonstration on an airplane, and I’m convicted of not making sure I’m breathing fully before trying to help others.

How about you? Do you ever get so involved with your family, work, church and life in general that you put off taking care of yourself? You are so busy making sure your business is run properly. Or you’re giving your job the best you’ve got and there is STILL so much more to do.  Your home needs repairs and updated, and there’s that termite inspection that needs scheduled. Your kids, or your grands, need your help with homework and they need you cheering them on at their volleyball games. And then there is the nutritious food you’re supposed to be giving them. Instead you opt for a fast food burger and fries in the car since it’s…well, faster. You promised yourself you’d exercise more in this new year, but you’ve already missed two weeks and it’s only February.  The list of demands on our time could go on and on.

The best way to get time to take care of ourselves is to schedule it, and that means we’ll miss something else. It takes a little planning, and we may need to ask for help, but when we do, it is worth it to find out you really do need that antibiotic or your ear infection is only going to cause worse problems and the miserable way you’re feeling is just going to go on and on causing pain, and possibly more injury you’re not aware of.

Often times there is not a quick-fix medication for the pain we feel inside. The great sadness or whirling of complex thoughts and regrets you may have whenever a topic enters your mind, and spirals you downward, is a signal you need to schedule some time to breathe deeply and climb out. 

We can experience grief from more than forty possible losses in our lives. Grief is not just about death.  It involves those things we wish might be, or have been, different, better or more in any relationship.  It can be about a current relationship.  It can be unmet hopes and dreams that never came to be.  Sometimes it is about getting something, on an emotional level, from someone who has never been able to give it to you.  This could be due to death, or because that person didn’t since they couldn’t, or wouldn’t give you the support you needed.  It can leave us feeling incomplete and wanting something more. This is grief!

Grief is a thief! Don’t let it rob you of your fulfillment and happiness today. Take…no, MAKE some time to take care of yourself this month. We are here to “hold your hand” as you walk through some simple, though emotional, steps to help you.  Once completed, you’ll find more peace and fulfillment as you take care of the people in your life and your daily routines. 

Make this the month you take some action steps to put on your own oxygen mask. And BREATHE!
 

Kim Worcester
Grief Recovery Specialist
The Grief & Wellness Group
kim.worcester@gmail.com

Kim has walked through the separation from her birth family for seventeen years of her childhood and the loss of innocence that abuse brings. With her B.A in Communications and a huge heart for those who are hurting, Kim has a desire to help guide others to move beyond loss to grief recovery.